We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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