try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
