Welp...herpes.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize