Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
