I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
