youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize