I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
