My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
