So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Acid is not a monday night drug
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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