His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
