what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
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