oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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