"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
