i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
