I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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