Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
