Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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