My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
