I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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