Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize