1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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