If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
