but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
