No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
