Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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