I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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