Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
