Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
