so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
