So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
