The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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