3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
