Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
