I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
