Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
