do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize