Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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