Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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