They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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