I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
