i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
