Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize