Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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