I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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