i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
