someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Found your dick twin last night
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
