So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
