I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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