living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
