Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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