yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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