somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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