Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
