he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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