We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
