so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
