Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
