I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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