I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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