It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
