You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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