you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Actions speak louder than pants.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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