I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
