what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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