i jhust puked up my retainher.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
