Sry I called you an 8
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i drank out of a bidet.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
