I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
