So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize