Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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