too bad you live with your parents still
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
