My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
