Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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