hotel room ftw
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
