All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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