Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
this is an emotional support booty call
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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