When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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