Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
