Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I love you.
Bad choice
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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