I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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