awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Fuck appropriateness.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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