she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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