Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
