Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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