is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
