Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
