dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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