6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
