the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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