either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize