he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
