I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
