hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
