the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
