Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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