You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
