I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
