Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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