Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
