69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
