i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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