I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
